why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
