One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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