i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
