On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
