Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
