My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
