this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
