i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
