While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
