It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Found the puke drawer
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
