I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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