i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
