I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
