upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You made out with two different species that night
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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