My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
