i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
