He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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