Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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