Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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