someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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