I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
