We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
