ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
