well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
