My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
