What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
