Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
