Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
