Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
