my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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