Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
