Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
