i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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