Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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