Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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