I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
