Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
