Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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