he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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