I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
