we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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