man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
