i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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