nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
