Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
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