i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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