This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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