My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
