I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
