Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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