Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
