rhymes with "ouble enetration"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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