I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
