Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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