he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
