The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she pinky promised me she was 18
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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