if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
