i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
