sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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