I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
