You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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