I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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