So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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