At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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