My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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