On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you didnt know i had herpes?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
