Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
MIDGETS
????
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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